I am The Utopian Fantasy and I am an IT Fanatic.
I remember I once tried studying Medicine and I believed I had a calling, to help people. I still believe I do have that calling, that need to make people’s lives just a tad bit better, just not in the medical field. Forget the cadavers- those are okay, they can’t die further. My fear with that field is that you can easily turn a human into a cadaver…. not a piece of cake
Back to my IT Fanaticism.. One of the perks of IT and IT related systems and gadgets is if it gets slow or feels off, just reboot and you are good to go. (..Or add more memory space)
A favourite caption I saw a couple years ago was “Distracted? Hit the Reset Button.”
There is a silent form of magic that happens when we reboot our PCs. It’s like a good quality, highly concentrated shot of expresso. PERFECT! After it, everything works super fast and results are produced so fast.
I had been stuck slow-motion feeling, can’t-get-anything-done, why-the hell-am-I-trying kind of rut in the bottom half of last year. Everything I started I just could not see to the end. In an attempt to ensure that I completed at least one task, I told my boyfriend about… wait, I tell him of most ideas as soon as they are registered in my head, but in this case it was different. My intention was to keep him posted every step of the way that way he’d be a somewhat “accountability partner”. The only problem was that I did not actually tell him why I had shared the idea in extensive detail to him. For all he knows, I was probably on my usual “Honey, I have a fabulous idea” high. That is how I self-sabotage and as a normal lady, it is also how I expect my boyfriend to have the ability to read my mind. (Wise… I know!) He probably deserves an apology and an explanation for this.
So, there I was, stuck in a rut, a cyclic “restlessness syndrome” wondering if anything I ever start will get done. Then came life, from losing friends and loved ones to having a rather heavy semester at school – I found myself wondering why I went back to school one too many times- to the holiday season. It was like my mind was hell-bent on me accomplishing absolutely nothing.
The result was me slacking on my diet-it was meant to be a lifestyle change, it did not quite pen out that way- and having one too many unfinished projects and condemning myself. And I actually tried everything, from the in-office sneak peak into my twitter account- which ultimately led to Facebook checking- there is humour in some of those posts, like the infamous lion comic, and reruns of Tom and Jerry..addictive!.. and blog reading sessions. To taking “power” naps. Which by the way, only had the power to convince me sleep. It is these activities (and others) that are truly the distractions. Do not be tricked, they not the reset cure we attribute to them when it crosses our minds to check in.
So after a much needed holiday, I am going with the assumption that it was fatigue that was ailing me.
Not the regular fatigue, it was mental, physical, spiritual, psychological.. I was just tired and tired of being tired.
I know that I am not perfect, I will probably need to reset later on, but this time, I purpose to evaluate and to achieve. I refuse to let myself get to a point of fatigue.