(These were taken on my phone at Coffee Casa)
This is another one of those.
I have been battling with publishing this post. It has been seated as a draft for close to three months now.
Writing this one has been especially hard because it seems to target those near and dear to my heart. The people who actually matter. But 2018 is my year and I shall say what I think. The “Confessions of an attention whore” were created for states and feelings that sometimes felt callous but in all truths are little glimpses into the ideas that have been festering in my mind. The little things that I have tried so hard to shut down. Even the title of the series was an act in rebellion.
If you think this is about you, maybe it is. If the shoe fits it, Beloved, wear it.
Otherwise, indulge my ideas, criticise them respectfully, let’s discuss these ideas that creep up on me in solitude. You can pass judgement, that too is okay, just do it internally. That is a you problem.
Neutral is negative.
(For the people at the back) NEUTRAL IS NEGATIVE!
I used to believe that it is a safe space. A place where no sides reside. A mix of having one foot on the right and one on the left, you know, for balance.
Or maybe no feet at all. No indulgences. Just plain old not involved.
Neutral, supposedly, makes a space for you to choose what you resonate with, if anything does at all. It allows for one to listen to both sides and just that. Listen and walk away, or sit there, filling a space that seemed all so important but now seems pretentious.
Yes, I said it, Pretentious.
Let me explain.
Neutral is passive-aggressive. It represents a “safety net” that does not in any way require you to choose. Funny how I had for so long perceived neutral as a choice. You know, like pleading the fifth, the right not to incriminate oneself.
I say neutral is negative because of the authenticity it lacks. When one chooses not to indulge, there really is no difference between the neutral party and a wall.
It assumes a lack of opinion, and from experience, a form of betrayal. It lies to the aggrieved parties that in your indecision, you have chosen them.
Neutral influences the aggrieved parties to believe that they are right in their stance. Hence the continued support by the neutral party, meanwhile the neutral party “supports” both causes by supporting none. Again, pretentious.
Neutral is disgusting. No stance. No incrimination. Can’t place you anywhere. Cause you’re nowhere.
Beginning and the end
So when do you start and when do you end?
Read that again
If you’re always neutral, when are you positive? When do you combat negative? When do you assert your voice?
Neutral is not a voice. In itself seems like no answer.
It is silence
Remember, silence is an answer
You watch two opposing sides
stand their ground
Remember the last time someone “stood their ground’? When they actually stood for what they believed in, even if it was wrong? Stand in your truth. Methinks it enable true and authentic explorations of matters sometimes not even considered. It more often than not leads to a better understanding of a situation.
I am just beginning to understand and take on this habit of giving my opinions and my truth a voice. I am learning how to be brave for once and pick a side, even if that means that the side unpicked catches feelings. I aver that relationships, regardless of type, are made of those, actual honest and candid ideas and at this point in my life, I’m here for that. Authenticity and honesty have become so vital to my wellbeing especially mentally that I have grown exceedingly tired of neutrality. I live more for honesty than for pretentiousness and silence.
As such, please, come at me with truth, dress it with respect. I’d rather know your stance, and further respect you for it, be duped by indifference.
Be honestly authentic,
The Utopian Fantasy