life, Myself, The Confessions Of An Attention Whore, Uncategorized

The Confessions Of An Attention Whore: Of Sailed Ships

Muse: My Chocolate Doughnut ..if you know ,you know 😉 I’d stick my teeth into your awesome chocolatey goodness every damn day…

Might I add, she is looking like a 5 course gourmet meal today, heck she looks like this everyday. ( ok focus Angie, Focus)

 

Where were we?…

Some relationships were meant to last a lifetime…others a season.. others a lesson. This in itself is a lesson.

 

Earlier in the year, I had the unfortunate but later fortunate opportunity of re-evaluating my relationships. All of them. Some, no, I lie, all the ones I lost felt heart wrenching to loose. Those very losses hurt in ways I did not know or understand possible. I cried, felt trapped and paralysed.. at some point, I could not function.

Then I grew from it thus grew out of it. The pain, the hurt, the despair… that all passed. It lifted.

I understand and see that a good number of those relationships fell through out of my own neglect. Some had run their cause, others were purely out of neglect by the other parties. Some were all this and everything in between. Methinks, in retrospect, they were not meant to last, their season was over or we’d/I’d already learnt my lesson. For some I think, the breakdown of was the actual lesson.

And I have made my peace with that.

I was deep in conversation with one of my near and dears the other day and having known of the breakdown of those ships, she questioned whether there ever would be reconciliation. Quite frankly, even if sometimes I am overwhelmed by nostalgic memories of the good times we had, I would not be one to go back to places that my heart felt unwanted or deliberately rejected. We’d all have to have grown significantly for it to be logical to make amends.

This year has been one that has taught me to value myself. My heart, my health, my happiness and most especially, my peace of mind. And as I have come to realise, there is no peace when one feels unwanted. That very thing breeds a bad tasting feeling. The feeling of being disregarded. It is the worst.

And the thing is, once you are over that.. You are exactly that.. OVER IT.

In all honesty, I have come to love and fiercely protect myself and my peace of mind. And at this point of my life, if my interaction with you threatens my peace of mind, you are not worthy and not worth me.And it works both ways. If your interaction with me threatens your peace of mind, I am not worthy and not worth you. AND THAT TOO IS OKAY!

I am willing to choose those who choose me over and over again, every day, every minute every hour.

I have made peace with the notion that some people were just but passers by in my life and I too was a passerby in theirs and my journey can only accommodate said people for a limited time. Some soul connections are built this way, only to last a season or a lesson.

resolve

Those meant to last a lifetime will do just that, last a lifetime. They still are part of my life. My actual sentiments are that the ones who are life-timers have the most beautiful and difficult times. They  are lessons, they are seasons. And more often than not, when one is down and under, their love and support is actually everything.

They are the real MVPs. They see the growth, the breaking down, the good and bad sides. Just being there really is a calling and that they heed that call all the time, that’s a blessing. A whole vibe.

With that said, I do wish all the visitors who knocked upon my door a safe journey ahead. Should we ever run into each other again, I hope you shall have accomplished all of what you set your heart on. I wish you love, happiness and above all, peace of mind.

In all the sense of the word and because I genuinely wish you all the good in the world,

Goodbye.

A.

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