Lessons from our exes: Part One

life Sep 09, 2017 No Comments


We have already established that I am an erratic writer. One who needs to step up and stop being so afraid of sharing myself with the world. I am sorry. I truly am. I shall endeavour to change. It’s a journey, so I may fail…or pass.. Regardless, I shall try again. 

This past Monday, I was sitting with a fellow creative who dared me take this sharing myself plunge. This is what it felt like: 👇🏾

So here goes..

Lessons from our exes is one of those things that my friends and I talk about from time to time, but always in passing. Like looking at the mirror and finally seeing yourself, raw and beautiful. Something a past love may have mentioned but you were too busy seeing your flaws to notice your beauty.

And truth be told, most relationships leave wounds, and if not, a certain bad taste in our mouths. So more often than not, the “what lessons have you learnt from your past relationships?”  question ends up in this gory You-must-have-dated-a-monster.

I am here for those.

But I am also here for the lessons he/she taught me. Those that made me a better person.

I intend to write on those. Both my personal lessons and those from my friends.

For starters, I asked a fellow level-headed hot-head (yes, that dynamic kind of human exists)… We shall call her Skylar for this blog. She has two lessons that really did resonate with her.


1. His new girl is not better than you, just different…

… and that is okay.
More often than not, after you’ve broken up with someone and they move on to a new relationship, you (rather, I …we… girls) spend a good amount of time comparing and contrasting this new being with themselves. And a good amount of time goes into wondering what she has that I don’t have, especially when that nostalgia comes along.

But from her experience, Skylar came to terms with the new girl. She came to understand that sometimes things don’t end up as one intended and people do move on and whomever they move on to is not necessarily better than you, she/he is just different. And that is perfectly okay.


2. Love thyself.

The key lesson here was the importance of loving yourself, truthfully and genuinely, flaws and all. This one was a shared lesson across board. There is a certain completeness that comes with genuinely loving yourself that enables one to be a complimentary being to their partner and not a missing piece of the proverbial puzzle.
This “you complete me” bullshit that rom-coms and other movies tend to propagate makes the world such a broken place to live in. This is because with that notion, nobody is complete in themselves hence shall always feel like something is missing or amiss with them. This results in a bunch of humanoids walking around feeling a sense of emptiness that doesn’t actually need to be there.

And there is nothing as dangerous as a person looking for anyone and anything to latch on to feel complete. It really is a sad state of affairs. Skylar’s actual lesson was “you need to love yourself for him to love you” 

And honestly speaking, you really do. There is a certain joy that comes from complimenting each other that can never and will never be experienced when all partners are doing is complete each other.

Also, how else will you know how it feels to be loved if you don’t do it to yourself. My version of this is, we are all a work in progress. You are enough. And you are deserving.

What lesson’s have you learnt from your past relationships?
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